In March of last year, I took the most significant turn outside of my comfort zone by breathing life into my dream of making Road Signs to Life a reality. I wasn't emotionally buckled up for where the road beyond my comfort zone was actually going to lead me.
The road I have been traveling on for the past couple of years has been paved with Grief, with "turnouts" - where I pullover to make way for someone to pass, every couple of miles, or in this case, months.
At the turnout after launching my store and site, my Mom was diagnosed with a terminable form of cancer. I let the whole world around me burn. My Mom and my Son were my only true priority. The couple of months after my Mom's diagnosis were the quickest months I have ever experienced. Every passing day was more important and more treasured than the one before. Every pivotal moment teetered on desperately trying to hold on tighter and coming to grips with the fact that my Mom would have to let go.
A couple of months after my Mom's diagnosis, she passed away.
At the next turnout, we brought her to her final resting place, where she was born. My relationship with my Mom evolved from a child-parent dynamic into a deep friendship as I grew into adulthood. Now, my whole life felt like it had been shredded. I had no idea how to begin living my life without my Mom in it.
For a couple of months, I allowed myself the grace to get acquainted with the road of Grief that I was traveling down. My Son, my constant passenger, reminded me that he was watching and learning from me as I navigated this road. Through the valley of my sorrow, my son's bright, innocent, impenetrable Faith motivated me to resume and re-establish a healthy routine for him.
At the turnout after we began our new routine, on the six month anniversary of my mom's passing, our young, beloved cat, BoBo, died in my arms. These "turnouts" may offer a moment of pause, but the predictable storms and the sleet slickens the road of Grief which has made it even more challenging to navigate.
With a couple more turnouts between BoBo and now, I am beginning to see signs that the road I am on is going to end soon. It isn't always a "Road Ends Ahead" sign, sometimes the scenery around you transforms from the ocean to the desert, or mountains; or from a city skyline to the wide-open country. Other times the road you are on will temporarily merge with another, or the actual name of the road you are on will change. I am searching for a road that intersects Grief.
It is time for me to take another significant turn beyond my comfort zone, and get reacquainted with Road Signs To Life. I hadn't traveled far down the Road Signs To Life path before I turned right, onto Grief. I am eager to "Share The Gravel" of our adventures, both old and new, with you.
I have grown to appreciate the value of Grief. Its significant presence is felt around every bend and extends beyond the horizon. This journey has revealed to me that even as I take different paths, Grief will always be part of the landscape.
2 comments
Beautifully said. Praying that others out there who are navigating a road of grief will be comforted and strengthened by your words. 🩵
Beautifully said. Praying that others out there who are navigating a road of grief will be comforted and strengthened by your words. 🩵